5/23/18 -- 1:33 AM
This has been such a strang year.
I mean, completely on theme. But still strange. It's weird how my life goes in
cycles like this. Will it ever stop repeating itself? I'm tired of key changes.
I want a different song.
In a bizarre twist of fate, it seems that my future lies, at least partially,
in the hands of some of the people that I have hurt the most. Funny how shit
works, huh.
I wonder how much of my experiences I'm still processing. I know that I didn't
deal with my first 19 years until that fateful Summer. I think I've just been
repeating that experience over and over, just on smaller time scales. They still
feel like they take forever though.
Kennedy still weighs on my mind. I'm waiting for the snap still. When will I
reach my breaking point this time?
At what point do I just give up?
I guess I still just don't know what I'm doing.
Perhaps I'll never quite figure it out. Is that okay?
For now I'll just have to content myself with waiting. Too much of this year
will be spent waiting.
Waiting for this job.
Waiting for Maddy.
Waiting for Kennedy.
Waiting to fix my car.
Waiting for this OWI.
Waiting for my paycheck.
How much of this am I justified in waiting for? Which of these are never going
to come? I don't think I want to know.
Damn. Life is fucking wild. And yet, nothing is happening.
It's just more waiting.
I'm so fucking tired of waiting.
Can I speed it up?
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